my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
