OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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