people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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