On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
