just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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