New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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