Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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