dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
