My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
