Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
