Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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