the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
