Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
