i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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