Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
