My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
