Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
