I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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