I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
