some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
