What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
