just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
