Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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