who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's great music for shaving your balls
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my poor anus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
