I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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