Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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