woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
