People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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