I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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