I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
