Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
