I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
