I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
