My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
