ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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