On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
