she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did i walk over a car last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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