It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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