I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
