I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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