well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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