I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
40s are totally the cure
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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