The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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