What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
