why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
