I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
