I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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