so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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