If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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