I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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