My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
