after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize