He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
