okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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