i was rollin on her like bob the builder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
