Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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