It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
