I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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