so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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