Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
