Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His nipple licking is glorious
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