party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
