lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
