I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
