he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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